Fuck anxiety, I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t breathe and I want to cry.

so i guess i’m in a relationship now

my heart can’t handle short-term relationships. i don’t wanna be in a relationship with an expiration date. but i really like him and he seems to really like me. i’m keeping my neuroticism under wraps but it always finds a way to hurt me, especially when i stay up too late thinking about him. we have 3 months left before school starts. he’ll be like 3 hours away. what’s gonna happen? i thought having a “summer fling” would be fun, but it’s really not when you get too emotionally invested (aka me with everyone, ever). i wonder if he’s even thought about what would happen to us after the summer. he was the one to bring up the “exclusive talk” so i’m going to assume that he’s at least somewhat serious about this. but what if he only sees me as a summer relationship? i really, really do like him and i don’t want him to leave me. i’m thinking about bringing up the whole “after the summer” thing the next time i see him, but it’s too early and i’m afraid it’ll scare him away. he seems to really like his uni and uni friends and might not want to be “tied down”. i know my thoughts aren’t rational and i’m making so many assumptions but i can’t stand being kept in the dark about these sorts of things. and i want us to be open with each other (which i sorta made it clear yesterday i think).


that american football song (“when the summer ends”) has never been more relevant in my life.